This? What exactly is this? This, the here and now that I refer to could be as complete a catastrophe as reasonable to consider. OK ‘what’ exactly as I asked myself is the this, here: I’m still asking and I have no answers. Perspective setting the final picture though many emotions may try to frame it in different ways. Here I am.
Last Friday I received a letter from the Office of Population telling me that I had an official document to pick up. When I received it, it was too late in the day and governmental offices don’t open weekends and this one not on Mondays, bringing us to today. Here a small town in Switzerland. This will all be explained in another blog. One that I am yet to write, yet in chronological order comes six months before this one. On collecting what I figured would be my updated work permit I received a letter telling me that I must leave Switzerland. In six days time.
There should be some punctuation marks to follow those two sentences but I don’t feel them. There’s nothing punchy about the story that will open up here. It’s all rather pathetic in fact. (I’m more inclined to add an exclamation at the end of that last sentence.)
At the end, if today is indeed the end we are all in equal trouble, no? I am unemployed and un able to search for work due to having had a slip and fallen down a mountain. Now, the blog that I’ve been meaning to write telling that story is on the list of many thought of and not yet written. Yet? If yet does not join the numbers of maybe – never.
Now I should write, whilst the shock is fresh. Robert M. Pirsig in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance wrote something along the lines of, ‘In the moment of shock there is little pain. Pain began when I began to remember, to put things in order in order to forget.’ If you can’t find the exact quote don’t worry, attribute it to me. It has been quite influential for me over the past thirty years since I read it.
In this moment of shock I am taking the line of least resistance. A little writing here and there as emotion disguised as inspiration dictates. And in between, escapism. You see, aside setting it all out in type which is a useful, thoroughly effective, necessary aid to my understanding and growth I realise that this is a serious problem. One that requires talking it through with people who understand. At the same time it’s all in French, not a phrase indicating that it makes no sense but literally in French. As I’ve written before, my French is simply not that good.