Me For Sale.

 

Am I – underselling myself?  This ‘IS’ about me;

Really we are all selling ourselves everyday in almost every interaction aren’t we? 

Wether aware or not, as we pass a stranger with seemingly no interaction yet a moments thought from either passer concerning the other; their shoes, their hair, the sweater that they are wearing? Even something more important like their smile, or lack of it. An aura of happiness, well-being or burdened shoulders and brow?  If you believe, as I do, that every thought and feeling gives off an energy.


If you feel that is rubbish, that only objective physical action can have effect, how strongly do you feel so? Does that feeling create an energy within you? Where does that energy go? Is it a negative dismissal building up that tension across your shoulders? Will that build up of inconsequence cause an action of consequence at some time? 

It is easy to keep this speculation going for a whole blog post but it is not what I wish to discuss. I am going to take it that, because you are reading this, because you are interested enough to read random thoughts on the web. That you are a person believing in all that is possible even though we may not possess evidence.
After all it is only realistically very recently in our history that we are gaining some understanding of quantum physics and such subjects as time dilation.

Consider, if you will, for a moment the ‘development’ since the earliest scientific advances in electrical phenomena in the late 17th & 18th centuries and the first practical use of electricity itself in the late 19th century. Two hundred years later we are converting sunlight, wind, water to produce this power that may actually replace the fossil fuel dependency that we are so defensively reliant upon? And it is only much more recently (the past two decades) that we have become seemingly pre occupied with evidence based approaches.

With the increasing average life span it could be fair to say that in two generations we have advanced technologically at the measure taking a thousand years in the last millennium.
So quantum physics, time and relative continuum in space, maybe you are blasé about the whole subject? Many people dismiss much that they do not understand. I am not, of course, saying that you are one of those people. No, no. You have read this far into this post after all! ;-)
I try to gain a real understanding. I read various web-based articles, generally Wikipedia’s with more links to many words that I realise that I do not fully understand and before I gain ground I have searched endless roads to nowhere and tried in vain to find the Dummies Guide to;;;stepped aside on another learning curve. Maybe that is in itself a space and time continuum? ;-)  It is a chance to wonder in awe at the so so much that I cannot truly comprehend and my awareness that this does not prevent its existence.

Maybe these subjects will be nonchalantly disregarded by our grandchildren? Maybe you will be moaning in a withered voice,
“When I was a child we always switched the space continuum off at the wall when leaving the room!”  Maybe?

Perhaps this talk (though I find this woman’s voice and accent particularly irritating she is an incredible woman and says a lot worth really listening to. Having had a couple of serious traumatic brain injuries myself I wish that I had a fraction of this woman’s recall ability.)

;

Then, in some other space at sometime… 

…wouldn’t it be seriously great if nobody could lie. Not a single one of us, not a single lie.  Note, no question mark, this is a rhetorical question. I’m not talking about a Tourette’s like necessity to tell people what we really think. (Though please let some scenarios swim around in your vast imagination until you are giggling uncontrollably. Then, allow yourself comfort knowing that these shudders and giggles are not Tourette’s.)

If you had one wish what would it be?  Would it be cheap and crass, fortune and fame? Would you be out on a limb and live, even stay young forever? I try to keep my options a little realistic though I cannot see any reason to do so. 

If world peace is not a permitted wish. (Already there are rules creeping in to my fantasy!)  It’s really not that easy to take that ONE magical helping and make it great is it?  I have often considered:

Wouldn’t it be seriously great if nobody could lie. Not a single one of us, not a single lie.  Not a Jim CareyLiar Liar’ scene of hilarity.  A simple need to be honest and real.  So then, when diplomacy and consideration for the feelings of others comes into play: when we truly think that the idea of our bosses is tantamount to idiotic, yet for the safeguarding of our income if not for their feelings we start, “I do not feel that this would be in our best interests..” We do not need to close the sentence with, “..if you do not want us to look like a bunch of morons!” Just because that is your honest opinion. We can tame it down and remain truthful. A closing line of, “I feel that our potential investors may question our research and rationale. Maybe, boss you could explain for me…?”  Who knows where this may lead. The advantages have to be in that nothing could be deceitfully misrepresented, could it? 

As soon as I start thinking about the possible continuations of that example with diplomacy at the heart I cannot help wonder, where does the diplomacy and lie line cross?

I have of course many other ideas for my one wish. I trust that you also do, for your own.
One is that I could speak and understand every language. What an understanding that would lead to?

I got this far, re read and edited a little  and can’t remember how I am going to link this pre ramble to what I really wish to write about!  Do you ever start a story, everybody is listening and as you reach the point where the relevance, the punchline is winding up, summit in sight and, “Nope, it’s no good – I cannot remember why I started telling this…”
The tie in… what I really want? No, that isn’t it, yet there is a link. Better than none.

Now that you have stopped quivering like a Tourette’s sufferer with epilepsy (I write this aware of the reactions it may provoke in our overly politically correct scared to offend society.) Now that you have imagined a few of your one wish idealities, do you feel more sale-able? Do you have some idea of what ‘you ‘ really want?
Do I?

A few songs burst into full orchestra renditions in my personal amphitheater (not to be confused with auditorium), the way in is through my left ear and out through the right.

Queen burst into, ‘I want it all… and I want it now..’  Alanis Morrisette plays All I Really Want’ over the top and as much as I really like the song I cannot help but note the messy tune is hardly displaced by Freddy and the boys.

I’d like to ask you about what you would wish for; what you really really want (surely not the Spice Girls?) I’d like to work out all of my dreams and share them on paper here with you. Then, with my fantastical new world I would really be selling myself and a WHOLE BIGGER than BIIIGGG dream. Yet I’ll leave that for the book.
Here I’m selling another aspect of me, of my many tangents. I’m speaking up for sexual equality in the 21st century.

What?

Were you get slightly re positioned by that statement? I hope so as I just re read this, probably a week after I’ve written it and I did a second take myself. Even knowing my tendency for a tangent I was jarred a little off course.

“Then, in some other space at sometime… “ I dream that the world that ‘can’ exist. A world that I am yet to put to paper where all are equal though none the same. 

Meanwhile, as I am painfully aware of the other tendency – for procrastination that is preventing me from writing it and realistic enough to know how difficult it is to get any group to change it’s ideas, let alone a world majority to adopt a whole new set of values I need a back up plan.

And what does this have to do with sexual equality?
I’d like: my ideal job: is to be a stay home mum.
OK, not exactly. Though like the Danny Devito film I’m game for the child-birth part.  Aside the stories it would sell. Aside even the incredible experience. Certainly aside the obvious physical difficulties and the somewhat worrying part of insemination!
Seriously, to be a Dad at home. Cooking – I am a good cook. Cleaning – I am Mr. OCD cleaning. Ironing, repairing, decorating, building bunk beds. Wow! This is difficult! I have every understanding of what each and every aspect of all of this entails and yet I am failing dismally to sell it, me, my ability let alone me, myself, I.
We do it daily, continually, everyday in every interaction I started. Forty-Five years later and I haven’t practiced very well evidently. 


I have, on more than one occasion made a go at filling in one of those ‘About me’ sections. I reached the point where I rather enjoyed doing it. I was learning and refining my own knowledge of me as I went along. So I looked one up sometime ago when I had the idea of writing this piece. At that time this was intended to be about modern-day equality and a swing back against the force of women entering what was once a male dominant world. Please, do not start jumping up and down with cries of cut off my bits. (Jump up and down all you like just leave my bits in tact ;-) )  I am well aware that this world is still male dominated. That things aren’t exactly equal and may never truly be. Though in my fantastical new world…

There is more, always more and an ‘About me’ is really not that easy. I (we) should cherish this opportunity to take the stage, spotlight on (us) ‘me’. Hmm.. Frozen at the start of my show ;-)
So this is how it went, copied and pasted from one of many dating sites that I visited. I used to think that I could sell sand to a camel and at least persuade the most stubborn mule to see my point and other points of view. (A good friend gets frequently agitated and exasperated with me because he thinks that I am just playing devils advocate for fun. I’ve told him that it is my genuine inclination to want to see the same thing from different angles).
Now, I’ll re-read this and maybe discover that I’m not so good. The evidence is in that nobody is buying?

About me:

I am honest. Not brutally in a foot in mouth manner but I have no time for secrets and lies and false images. Life is not that short yet it gets shorter every day so I do not wish to waste too many. That does not mean that I am in a rush. The world wants so much, too much, too quickly, right now. We are rushing past life’s greatest elements and losing focus on it’s actual value. I could continue and continue and hopefully one day I shall in a book that will describe a better world for all. If this interests you I will be humbled to make your acquaintance 

Interested in

Meeting somebody somewhere where, with a little time we find we want to make our lives compatible…?

Personal info:

Relationship:

I’m single

Sexuality:

I’m straight

Appearance:
174cm (5’9”), 75kg (12st.), average body on the athletic side, shaved hair and blue eyes.

Living:

alone in a small flat

Children:

I would love children. My ultimate dream, to be the stay home father. I love to cook, love to clean, ironing, I studied sick children’s nursing at university, but quit the course as life’s demands came and went. I am fastidiously tidy and a bit of a clean freak but very relaxed about it at the same time. I could go on, I should, I am supposed to be selling myself. Let’s see, if you are interested…

Smoking: Anti-smoking

Drinking: Red wine. Some real ale sometimes.  And at other times a little too much red wine ;-)

Languages:

English (Native), German (Low), French (OK), Spanish (tourist ice-breaker), Italian (tourist ice-breaker) and Czech (Low tourist)

OK I re-read it. There is a lot missing and I am aware how lengthy this post is already. I read it and I quite like the sound of me. Then I know the other parts, good and not so.
I had even chosen (when starting this semi comedic sales pitch) to add the about me from this blog. NowI’ll just put a link in to it.

LINK to About JJBollOX

I should be writing! That sentence has earned an exclamation mark, awarded by the passing of time in which it should have been written; yes many other words are what should have been written in it’s place.

It may indeed be that I need a kick up the arse in order that I actually do. A something likely to be a someone who encourages me to keep going; even ‘get’ going when I find more excuses than reasons not to. Right now, for the past month or so I’m using the internet – or the lack of it as my excuse not to write. It nor any IT problem is preventing me from writing. It”s just a problem. I’m pretty certain that I am not alone in requiring ‘all’ things to be right, to be in place – and if they are not? Well of course that is ‘reason’ not to make effort at other things? Of course not! Yet any excuse?

Really I feel that I have a purpose. A something of value to share and communicate with our world. Yet I’m not doing it. It has taken me the better part of two months to write this! Not that the writing has taken that long. The procrastination, hell yes! So I’ve written this post. I hope that it will help, maybe you will comment and further kick my ass out of watching the world go by and into describing that better one.
Already I’m back editing, slightly tweaking adding this line two days later knowing that I cannot sell me to anybody whilst living in my reclusive not participatory way. Shut up, quite literally in the two obvious senses, in my flat; ‘far from the madding crowd(s)’ I have taken a start and accepted myself. Learned to truly like myself and wish – as I have always found more interesting, rewarding even, to learn more about you; about others.
So I have to ‘get out there’ step boldly into the wilderness.. I appear a proper recluse with anti-social agoraphobic problems. Hardly a selling point 😉 This image is not me, I am quite the opposite, a truly sociable type.
In getting out, virtually, writing is a start. My next step is to remove email notifications from all of you that I follow here on WPress. Force myself to take daily trips to this site and this should encourage my actual contribution. If you believe that my contribution is all about me I ask you: how much is a reminder of anything that you have passed through or pondered upon? Is my world, or yours all about the individual? Who are we without the others who we reflect ourselves in or upon?
I wish you a great world and thank you for reading :-)

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About JJBollOX

This is an update. The slight humour aka sarcasm will be lost on anyone who hasn't read this before the update. I am, still a British male. Still living but not in Switzerland. I intend to remain, living and male. When I wrote before I had "spent the better part of two months negotiating the change in my self identity. Unemployed and sharing home with a now ex-girlfriend. I've moved. Moved on. Maybe a year has passed by. Have I moved in an upward direction? Is upward the only way to go if we are to expand, broaden and grow? Realistically, the most dramatic (not exactly decisive) direction I have taken in the time was down. Down, down and deeper than down. I fell off of a mountain. My life got complicated yet simple. This in itself is a fair summary of my personality. I have posted the first words of blogs to be written which I would like to turn into a book. 'A normal life.' Let's see how well and how fruitfully I can express my frustrations, pain, healing process and the constant changes that are life.
This entry was posted in abundance, ad-infinitum, balance, blog, book, challenge, change, content, different factors, different/same, digress, direction, Dreams, everything/anything/something, factors, family, father/mother, happiness/happy, hope/hopeful/hopefully, idealist, life, lifestyle, listening, love, meaning, need/needs, parent/parents, people, perception, random, relationship, self-development, self-indulgent/self-indulgence, Self/Self-Image/Identity, sharing, tangent, Technology, Time, What If, Wishes, work, world peace, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Me For Sale.

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Quality post, Johnny. I’m listening to the videotape now but just want to say I really enjoyed reading all of this – excellent. Very thoughtful, this one.

  2. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    That video was utterly awesome, Johnny. Magnificent.

    One thing I meant to say before, too, was re lying – you know, I’m not sure we have the openness to accept all truth. I really am not sure. We have ego and vanity and jealousy. So ‘Do I look big in this?’ ‘Yes, you do’ (ouch) ‘But I love you anyhow’ ‘You love me, DESPITE me being fat? What is THAT meant to mean?’ etc… You know?

    Really great post this one, Johnny.

    • JJBollOX says:

      Did you watch the second video too? I’m sure that we do not have an open ness to truth in order to accept, that is one of the points I was ‘hoping’ that I was making when I wrote about the lie and diplomacy lines crossing. I should have used a ‘does my arse look massive in these’ example ;-D We could discuss that point: if you do not want to hear the truth stay quiet, decide your own truth.. Then, in a world where our values are shared and consideration of others is top in those values. A world in which it is ‘profitable’ to be nice and act in the interests of others… We ‘could’ learn to be truthful. How? Because our truth would change from the self serving egotistical defence that it serves now.
      What do you think? Thank you for liking this post and even more for commenting 🙂

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Hey Johnny,

    TWICE in my inbox I have a ‘new post’ notification of yours but each time, the link says can’t find the page. If you give me your email address, I’ll email it to you. See for yourself.

    It’s called ‘Action over words’. Is that a post you’ve done?

    Thanks…

    Noeleen

    • JJBollOX says:

      Thank you very much N’n 🙂 I knew, I know (I’m new and I’ll grow? 😉 The internet conspired with the web and all against me it seems. WOW! I must be important ;-D
      It and another should be posted now. I look forward to the end of this month when I have internet at home. AND I look forward to reading more of your story 🙂 Ox

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