Time-Out, out, in?

IMG_1652Home-Brew BeerI’m in a bar. Les Brasseurs. But it’s a real bar, with home brewed beer on tap and I’m having a 23 Swiss franc (CHF) hamburger. And an 8 CHF beer. I mention it as I cannot afford it and this makes it, all the more valuable? A fair analogy of life.
I’m the only one here; alone. That feels relevant, to me. I’ve just spent an hour with my psychologist in which she asked if I thought that I was the only person who viewed life as I do. My response was a categorical no and continued that I felt an increasing amount of the world sharing similar overall views.
I guarded this with the bracketed observation: in a similar way to buying a car, if I buy a Toyota, something or other? A something or other that I have never heard of, never seen before (I buy it because it’s a good deal, for all the right reasons.. more brackets..) After doing so and almost immediately I see this particular model ‘everywhere’, the whole world has started driving the Toyota something or other?  I explained my rational behind this analogy. After all she is a psychologist and I’m sure that you have worked it out for yourself.
So back to Les Brasseurs, alone amongst many. Primarily students with yards of beer reaching up to the sky (though being cut off on route by the ceiling). Their eagerness, their vitality lends an energy to the ambience and gives reason or excuse to my interest in their interest in life.

I came here for time out. I share a flat. No I don’t, who am I kidding? I have a room in the flat of an old friend of mine. We have never been that close as such but I’ve known her on and off for twenty six years! That qualifies an exclamation mark as it is a proper long time in the rapidly changing face of our world.  So why time out?  We, most of us – at least those driving that Toyota – need time to ourselves. I need quite a lot. To put my thoughts in place, where? On this paper. At chez elle it is hard at times to get that. She is a single mother of two. A nine year old boy and a two year old girl. The two year old is my shadow. It is a great compliment. I adore her too but.. Her mother likes to say, ‘well you have to establish your boundaries, I can’t be chasing after her..’ Like right? Yes you fucking can. YOU are her mother. Harsh? She is taking the piss. Then she’ll ask me if, just maybe I can look after her for a couple of hours.. It’s not that often that I’m asked but amidst the constant attention demands from the young girl, it feels like it.  People, the most important interaction on our planet, children, the most important consideration of this planets future. The most significant measure  of our past when we are gone. (This is incomplete and like all thoughts can easily be another post in itself). People yes, piss me off at times! Harsh?
OK. Now that is off my chest, I came to type up something of the growing, metamorphosing amount of ‘notes’

An amassing amount of drafts, a pile of papers and a library of voice recorded notes, ideas . .  and then a growing collection of others blog posts that incite or inspire reaction and a desire to continue conversation.. That’s what it’s supposed to be about. Continuing conversation, participation in dialogue, sharing of any and everything. It? Life. If only in life we shared.. As I said, participation with people, the most important ..
I have a dictation programme with Siri on my Mac. It’s brilliant. Some years ago I paid a relatively high price for a third party application that I installed and never got to grips with. This simply does. (Nothing to do with anything written on any tin or carton 😉
The realisation that I am going through here is that, though I believe I have an almost limitless number of my own ideas I feel a need to respond to others and, as I have repeated, carry on the conversation. It’s not about getting my own point across though, in fact that is a part of the reason that I write. To find, and fine tune my preferred method of communication. To give chance to consideration of what I read and hope that others may do the same for me.  If I read something that makes me react. I go back and read it again. I even go away and come back later and read out again. You may guess how long it takes me to read a book? To hold a conversation verbally? No, at times I am guilty of not thinking before I speak.. Generally I would write this and leave it until later. Re read it edit, change.. I cannot do that verbally. Today I am not. The question that lingers, am I a ‘responder’? A friend of mine calls some, ‘repliers’. People who only text or message when they receive something from you. I ask the obvious about which came first the chicken or the egg, though I know this line is not going far. (The Shortline Public Transport system?)
Now I’ll take some time, out watching others whilst I’m here in my own space be it public. This place is now full, full and I am the only table with one person at it.
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About JJBollOX

This is an update. The slight humour aka sarcasm will be lost on anyone who hasn't read this before the update. I am, still a British male. Still living but not in Switzerland. I intend to remain, living and male. When I wrote before I had "spent the better part of two months negotiating the change in my self identity. Unemployed and sharing home with a now ex-girlfriend. I've moved. Moved on. Maybe a year has passed by. Have I moved in an upward direction? Is upward the only way to go if we are to expand, broaden and grow? Realistically, the most dramatic (not exactly decisive) direction I have taken in the time was down. Down, down and deeper than down. I fell off of a mountain. My life got complicated yet simple. This in itself is a fair summary of my personality. I have posted the first words of blogs to be written which I would like to turn into a book. 'A normal life.' Let's see how well and how fruitfully I can express my frustrations, pain, healing process and the constant changes that are life.
This entry was posted in alcohol, Communication, Judgement, life, Psychology/Counselling, random, self-development, sharing, Time, wine, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Time-Out, out, in?

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Interesting, this one Johnny. I can’t believe I’ve found a post of yours I haven’t read! 🙂

    I wonder what your psych expected you to answer as in are you the only to view the world the way you do. I wonder what would have been her next tactic if you’d said, “Yes, I am the only one who sees it this way. Now, where do we go from here”. I wonder…

    Loved the image of you and your unaffordable burger & beer, oh so much sweeter. I enjoyed this post.

    • JJBollOX says:

      Thank you so very much N’n! I know that I am the only person who sees the world, or anything, exactly as I do. Yet I still maintain that for all of our differences we share many more alines and the point that I made that this referred to was one where I sense, read, observe many more sharing that view. All of that explained I thank you so much for enjoying this and more for commenting and continuing the conversation 🙂

  2. This is quite an intriguing post. Psychologists can pose very loaded questions. As a unique individual, we all have a different perception of the world. The places where our perceptions intersect and deviate are points for reflection. It is in these points of intersection where communication is perhaps easiest. And yet, to explore points of deviation can offer the opportunity to expand perception. The same is often true of perspective. Peace, xx

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