Not? About me.

Via Ferrata, La Videmanette. The hardest route, easy. The footpath down afterwards, oops!

Via Ferrata, La Videmanette. The hardest route, easy. The footpath down afterwards, oops!

One thing that is important ‘to me’. This is not about me. 

This is ‘hopefully’ not a blog where I relate the me, me, me that nobody is listening to.

This is an attempt to share with you, with our world. If it is successful the me, me, me ramble will inspire, incense or in some way prompt you to post. To interact with me and others because this is what our world ‘needs’.

I recognise at the same time, as much as I do not want it to be, this is about me. My five minutes of fame? My route to recognition? We all want recognition don’t we? Even those of us hiding from contact with others are hiding from fear of recognition born of a lowered self-esteem bred since the egotistical infancy when the world was all about the individual child.

(I do not agree totally with Piaget’s theory of egocentrism. Amongst my reasons for being less than comfortable with the finite details are the child’s language and concept conception. Whilst I agree that development like all topics is fitting for generalisation. I guess, that I really can’t agree that the three mountains testing is sufficiently rigorous.)

So, about me was written as my opening, account (whatever it is termed) page. I am still to work out how to set it as such. Each time I believe that I have, I am wrong. Now I think that it may be set, yet the list of posts is no longer visible. At times I must question my ability to follow instruction, or to just get on and do in a male manner with a total disregard for the instruction manual? Intelligence?

This page will undoubtedly need re-writing regularly. For it to be about me it will often change focus, location and the content that goes with it. Hmm, to be settled…
A few days ago there was a whole lot of the less believable going on in my life.  I received a letter telling me that I have six days, expiring Monday the 19th, to leave Switzerland. This points to the post on Il Légal immigration.  Yesterday that day passed me by and here we are mid February of the next year!

There was a whole lot to be sorted. I tried filing it in place, filling in the right form, writing the write way with the t crossed and i dotted, and that was only in that particular word. Words failed me. Often. Please remember that this wasn’t and isn’t my mother tongue or any tongue that I could explain my failure to articulate phonetically in. Not to a degree that I felt satisfied with.  Inarticulate and inept, invalided and invalidated I took to the hills. One month in the mountains skulking but not sulking I have sailed away on the cross-channel Chunnel.

From there to here I have been. From the reasons behind everything: some reasonable, some ridiculous I must find my next. What that may be time will tell. Explanation? Understanding? Acceptance or self-defensive nonchalance? I wrote a piece yesterday, or was it the day before. Time inspired it and in a shorter time than it took me to save the draft it disappeared. I am back in the UK with stories to tell, well, to write.

The same circumstances however preposterous have been added to and many have lessened in their importance yet they remain and contribute all the same. Today I am in another place. In this place I am surrounded by my own things and that is nice. Many of those things, material possessions and memory generators are missing, awol or mia. It doesn’t matter. Those are memories that may not resurface?Not long arrived I am already not all together comfortable. For some part for those for mentioned reasons. Some for others yet to be explored in type.

As this page stated before, (all by itself as clever pages are apt to do? 😉 discomfort has to be good for personal self-development. For in the cataclysm of contributions it is me, myself and I who at the tender age of forty-five has not managed to settle.  Not in a place, not in a job (let alone a career). Neither relationship or a home can I identify with. The most frequent question that I am met with which evokes least comfort as I attempt a concise response, ‘Where are you from?’ has been added to. If there is a question guaranteed to elicit a totally unexpected rant, ask me: “What do you do?”

Previously this read:

My life feels unbelievable. So out of my control that I am tempted to let it just fall. It will be as it will be and the better quality I can make of it, all the better.

It is still unbelievable. I have moved from trying to fit in to no longer giving a flying (fill this with whatever you wish. Preferably something that does not fly).
I have ‘let it just fall’. It is liberating. With the chaos that I leave behind I feel a sense of an outlaw.

Previously this read:
I am a British male living in Switzerland. I’ve relatively recently moved out from two months in the intended direction of forever, living with my girlfriend.  It, that, she and many other such pronouns will give you a sense that there remains a lot unsaid. It may remain that way. A couple of posts  that I have written here set an outline for our relationship. But (as in most failed romances, be they between two people or the romance one may have with a new-found direction in life such as a career change, I digress, tangents are for another post) there is so much more classic romantic sadness, unbelievable exchanges of difference and genuine comedy that I hope to set to type. Already the pain was pushed aside by an eventual awakening. The ensuing nonchalance may mean that the story joins the many never written. Possibly because, with that genuine disregard for all that was I have lost many details. Time will tell.
Meanwhile I am still processing the continual  change in my self-identity. Unemployed for five months.  One month into a 30-40 metre fall down a mountain. Recovering from various breaks the most lasting being a metal meccano cage from T4-T11 in my back. Two weeks of eight into daily lessons to improve my French and failing with the verbs, or as my teacher quickly identified: ‘with the rules’.

So here I am, unable to communicate fully, frustrated on many levels and let’s see how well and how fruitfully I can express this.

32 Responses to Not? About me.

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    I think you’re going to express fruitfully and well just fine, I do. This was a great read! 🙂

    Switzerland… ah chocolate.

    I really hope you work out the HOW. All the best!

  2. Ralph says:

    I really wish your bad patch will soon clear and you can see your way ahead again. Ralph

  3. winnymarch says:

    nice..
    i wish u would like follow back my blog. we have same theme lol
    greetings from indonesia

    • JJBollOX says:

      I have now and thank you. Sorry that it tool me some time. Please tell me, or point me to your theme 🙂

      • winnymarch says:

        My them is Triton :)…
        and why it toll u?

      • JJBollOX says:

        I am sorry. I truly do not understand what you are telling or asking me..

      • winnymarch says:

        u asked my theme adn i answered it is triton and i asked why u ask me

      • JJBollOX says:

        This will possibly appear back wards in our conversation as I cannot find another way to respond.
        I asked you because you told me that we have the same theme in your first message to me. I ‘thought’ that you were referring to a theme of life or something such like. My WordPress theme is not Triton (though right now I forget it’s name and do not care enough to find it). Of course I should have understood ‘toll’ meant ask ha ha 😉

  4. meredith says:

    letting your pages evolve continually, sharing the before that led to this writing… awesome.

    thank you.

  5. It’s very interesting to read both versions of your About.
    I hope things are working out for you 🙂

  6. Hey, I just wanted to thank you for the comment to my comment on Christian Mihai’s Invictus post. I have not yet gotten my wordpress page up and running, it’s on the list.

    I’ve lived in the Boston area my whole life. After I heard about the explosions, I had this horrible moment. Because of depression, and shame, and self-loathing, I had fallen out of touch with way too many people. My first thought was for my oldest friend, because I had no idea where she was & if there’s anyone who could have been there, it was her. So I sat down on my fledgling facebook page and started tracking people down. Sending out friend requests like a mad woman. And the beautiful thing about old friends, the acceptance, the happiness in reconnecting. My god, so many have beautiful children. And I heard back from my oldest friend around midnite or so. I had become less worried, because thru research, I learned she wasn’t working at the main branch, close to boston, but a different branch in arizona. Turns out, she had been back home for a birthday celebration with her family (both she & her younger brother are april babies). She had been sitting in Logan, waiting to board a plane back to arizona when the bombs went off. Like any Bostonian, there is rage & sadness over these bombs. As much as I am happy to report that friends & family are safe, my heart goes out to the injured. I have spent enough time in Pain Management centers to see the aftermath of horrifying injuries. This tragic moment pushed me into action. It pushed me to get over my own self-inflicted isolation, to reach out to people I shared my college experience with. And to some, I’ve known from back in middle school. Light shown thru the darkness. Despite my anger & sadness, there was a great sense of joy in reconnecting. Thank u for your words. Peace, love, hope, xx

  7. PS I have just sent you a friend request via facebook. no worries if you would prefer not to accept, it’s just an FYI. xx

  8. I have nominated you for the very inspiring blogger award. Should you choose to accept please follow the format under my posting on my home page. Blessings on your day!

  9. I am creating more work for you, should you accept. You’ve been nominated for the shine on award. Click on my home page post for instructions. I am hoping it will bring some more attention to your talent. Blessings on your day.

  10. HI friend, saw that you just read my story – a day in the life – please feel free to re-blog. Awareness is key and a positive attitude. Hugs

  11. JJBollOX says:

    I’ve just seen this comment… I’ll look for the link.. 200+ emails to go.. 🙂 I hope that you are getting better! Ox

  12. Erik Andrulis says:

    How about the converse: that it is All about Me? What of that perspective?

    • JJBollOX says:

      Hi Eric, Thank you very much for taking the time and showing interest in communicating even following my – of late not at all added to – blog. (I ‘hope’ to write a post in the coming week which should leave plenty of scope for ‘conversely’ 🙂
      In this post I wrote, “I recognise at the same time, as much as I do not want it to be, this is about me. My five minutes of fame?…” Of course it is about me and my individual perspective. But “at the same time” – “I do not want it to be” and the bigger picture is not. I am but a small ingredient in the massive mix that makes up the world, our world. A world that we fail somewhat embarrassingly ‘I’ believe, to share.

  13. Thank you for your follow. I hope you are fully healed from your fall and that your life makes more sense to you now than it did when you wrote the original post.

  14. People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail.
    Bob Newhart

    • JJBollOX says:

      Having ‘just’ come back to this site, hopefully to write: I apologise for not having seen/responded to your comment. I must therefore also apologise if I have (somewhere else?) for memory is not my thing 😉 THANK YOU (and Bob Newhart 🙂 Ox

  15. Maybe it’s egocentric or whatever, but when I’m playing Beethoven, Bach, Hendrix, or whoever it is, in the end, it just feels like my own music and I’m making it up as I’m going along.
    Nigel Kennedy

  16. Hey there you haven’t posted in forever. How are things/life/heart and all the most importantly all of you doing? Thanks for the little peep on my blog! I have wondered where you went. Hugs and blessings to you friend! 😀

    • JJBollOX says:

      Thank you MM 🙂 life is unfolding slowly.. Like a pass the parcel between sufferers of rheumatism in their hands.. My heart is full and bursting with so much it wishes to share. I have to wait for the unwrapping of that parcel? I hope to return soon and share some. Thank YPU again for the time and sharing that you show Ox

  17. JJBollOX says:

    Thank YOU (rather than “YPU” a typo that turns the pronoun indicating the individual into a, delivery company? Probably for that parcel ;-)) again and always MM 🙂 I feel that I am ready to unwrap that parcel and make excuse, deflect the responsibility to the constant reluctance of the rheumatoid sufferers making up the majority of the people I encounter? 😉 the music is still playing awaiting the next layer of unwrapping 🙂

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